The one where Snape loses it
by Goose Lady
Summary: <html><head></head>In a flash James saw it all through Snape's narrow and twisted vision. Lily with Potter, the handome, popular, arrogant, jerk; tormentor of first years; tormentor of Snape. Lily's betrayal was a distant second to the wrongs James had committed.</html>
1. Chapter 1

"I've got it, this time I've really got it." James said as he paced in the 6th year dormitory.

Remus didn't look up from his books, "Prongs…we've heard that before."

"And not to be, you know, beating the same bluger or anything but your last twelve 'I got it's were shite."

"Pure and simple." said Peter.

"Like the banner in the Great Hall at breakfast…" Sirius said, while flipping through a muggle magazine on motorcycles.

"Yeah I remember," James said, scuffing his shoe along the wood floor, and taking a nervous hand to his already messy hair.

"She didn't even blink before setting the whole thing on fire." Sirius laughed, "And then it fell onto the staff table…And then Slughorn was so impressed with her silent _incendio _we got ten points."

James laughed, looking pleased at the memory.

"Then McGonagal took fifty points away for 'inappropriate use of the great hall' 'offensive language' and 'stalkery'." Remus turned a page in his book.

Sirius and James stopped laughing. "I can't understand how the woman takes points from her own bloody house like that. It's unbelievable, is she even a Gryffendor?"

"I've often wondered that myself, but you've seen the old bat at quidditch matches…"

"Your new plan James?" Remus prompted.

"Right!" James began pacing again, "So the problem with Lily is that she doesn't know me, the real, loveable me. The me with the charm and the wit and the sensitivity—"

"Modesty?" Remus turned another page in his book.

"Right…so I need to show her."

"Show her the modest, sensitive, charming, witty, loveable you…? The you that only exists in front of your mum?"

"That's the you that only exists in front of my Mum, Padfoot."

Sirius shrugged.

"The plan is to not be a total arse in front of her…I'm going to stop pranking third years—No I mean it, Padfoot, and I'm quitting—I'm going to stop showing off in class, and here's the big one fellas…no more picking on Snivellus."

"When Evans is there, of course we'll all be on our best behavior, but when she's gone?" Sirius asked.

"No, it's all or nothing on this one."

"But James sometimes its just self defense." Peter said.

"I agree with Peter, Prongs, Snape is not exactly an innocent…and his spells of late have shown a particular propensity for hurting."

"I can take whatever he's dishing and be the bigger man, because here's the best part—anything he does will just reveal him to be a great big tosser, while I look better and better by comparison."

James beamed at his friends.

"This plan is full proof! I'm going to start now, go carry her books or something. See you all in Charms!"

"I give it a week, tops." Sirius said throwing his magazine across the room.

"I give it a day." Remus said, "Snape will sense James's change, and take advantage…James's pride won't stand for that, for any length of time."

"So what you're saying is, Snape should be eliminated...?"

Remus squinted at Sirius, "Remember the last time you tried that? James almost died. You would have made me responsible for the death of one of my best friends. I still haven't forgiven you, even if James has."

"Oh come off it, Moony! I never woulda let anything happen to Prongs."

"And he never would have let an innocent person die, Sirius."

Sirius's eyes narrowed dangerously for a moment, "You said it yourself Remus, Snape is no innocent."

"I'm not sure anyone is innocent anymore." Peter said. It was so uncharacteristic for Peter to say anything remotely profound, that both Remus and Sirius blinked at him, mouths slightly agape. Peter shrugged, "I saw it in the _Daily Prophet_." He said quickly, "Seems true enough."

"Well it's not, Pete, there are plenty of innocent blighters out there, totally unprepared for the likes of Snape and his miniature Death Eaters. It's our job to protect the blighters."

Remus turned another page in his book; worry lines creasing his brow.

Two weeks later

"Hey Remus?"

Remus turned around and smiled at Lily, for the first time in their long friendship she looked hesitant. Remus smiled again.

"Can I help you with something?"

Lily put her bag down at her feet and carefully crossed her arms, "I'm gonna need you to be honest, Remus, I need you to swear on your honor as a perfect that you'll answer me honestly…"

Remus broke into a cold sweat. The set of Lily's shoulders was tense, her fingers lightly brushing the wand in her skirt pocket. Did she know his secret? Was she confronting him here in the abandoned section of the library? He coughed, swallowed, and nodded as causally as he could. If Lily knew, there was no way he could lie to her about it.

"Do Black and Potter have a bet going or something?"

Remus let his breath go in a loud puff of air.

"What?"

"Be honest," she said, lightly fingering her wand again. "Is this some sort of sick game? Are they lulling the school into a false sense of security—before unleashing some Merlin cursed prank?"

Remus laughed, really laughed for what felt like the first time in weeks.

"I don't think this is funny." Lily said.

"It is, trust me." He looked into her distinctive green eyes and wished, not for the first time, that James hadn't seen her first. He shook his head as though to dislodge the thought, "Sirius and James have no bet concerning their behavior. They are planning no such mega-prank…they're, James at least, is turning over a new leaf."

Lily quirked her left eye brow in disbelief.

"Truly, James is trying to reform his character…and by association, may actually reform Sirius, a little…maybe."

"I caught Sirius in the third floor broom cupboard with a fifth year—this morning."

"Right. James is really trying." Remus smiled again, "Hasn't been annoying you has he?"

Lily picked up her bag and shrugged it onto her shoulder, "Hasn't asked me out in two whole weeks." She smiled, but Remus noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Walk me to Charms?"

Remus grabbed his bag. "Having trouble with the Slytherins?"

"Not just them," she sighed, "It's everything. I don't even like leaving the common room by myself anymore. I don't really even feel comfortable wearing muggle clothes on the weekends." She sighed again, "Terrible Gryffendor I'm turning out to be."

"What happened to Hestia wasn't your fault, Lily."

"Yeah, but if she wasn't defending me she wouldn't be at St. Mungos either."

"She didn't go there alone, you handled more than six seventh years—and according to everyone you practically saved Hestia. If you hadn't gotten her to the hospital wing in time—"

"Stop." She said.

Remus nodded. The story was pretty gruesome. Some seventh year Slytherin boys had been hanging outside the library waiting for Lily (or any unwary muggle born) and their intentions were decidedly depraved. Hestia saw Lily battling for her life, or at the very least the last shreds of her cloak and skirt, and jumped into the fray. At the end Lily was the only one able to stand, she ran through the halls screaming for professors, dragging Hestia with her.

When the whole story came out, three students were expelled, and four were still at St. Mungos. Hestia included. Lily had stopped wearing pleated skirts. And the Gryffendors had all silently agreed not to let Lily wander alone anymore. Most muggleborns were escorted everywhere by their friends now, the war, it seemed, was already raging.

James had been incensed of course. But it was clear that as much as Lily didn't like to be alone in the halls, she hated being coddled more. So when she and Remus reached the door to Flitwick'ss classroom and saw James and Sirius waiting by the door, wands in hand Lily was a little miffed.

"Looking for trouble boys?"

James and Sirius turned in her direction, watching some Ravenclaws shuffle past.

"Not looking Evans, just waiting." Sirius said.

Lily rolled her eyes and slipped into the classroom.

"Thanks for getting her here Moony, there was no way I could make it from the astronomy tower down to arthimancy…unless I had my broom."

Remus just smiled and shook his head, "She's on to you—she thinks something is up."

"Yeah?" James ruffled his hair.

"Yeah."

"That's good right? She's noticed something different and asked my friend about it—that's like a tacit declaration of missing me right?"

"That's not even troll logic, Prongs, you can do better."

Someone coughed loudly, the three boys looked down, Professor Flitwick was standing right there in the middle of them, he flicked his wand, and the three boys felt the stones beneath their feet move several inches inside the classroom. Just enough to let Flitwick close the door.

"Today we'll continue our work on silent spells. Charming unmoveable objects to move." He flicked his wand again and three empty desks approached the Marauders. "If you'd like to join us?"

"Sure Professor, if you've got the space and all." Sirius said flopping into the nearest desk.


	2. Friends

a/n: So I had a mishap when I posted and some of you read an unfinished chapter that had been tagged on. I apologize. The situation has been rectified. If you stick with it, r&r, it makes me feel less like I'm writing in a vacuum.

Lily sat in the back of the library, flanked by Alice and Marlene. All three girls were surrounded by open books and unrolled parchment. Lily, though, was the only one with ink stains on her fingers, elbows, and nose. She'd tied her hair back in a loose braid and was gently tickling her earlobe with the tip of her quill. She looked like a brainy sexy kitten about to strip out of her boring uniform and find the nearest pole.

James slapped himself. Lightly. And then harder, for good measure.

If Lily ever did anything it would not be on a pole. He took a deep breath and started walking toward the back table. He clenched his hands in his pockets trying desperately to keep from mussing his hair. _Don't fuck up, _he thought, _just don't fuck up._ James coughed lightly when he reached the table. All three girls looked up. Only Alice and Marlene smiled.

"Hey Evans."

"Potter." She said, looking back down at her paper, and rereading the last lines.

"Remus said you were on patrol tonight."

"That's right."

James's stomach tightened, this wasn't going anywhere. "Well Remus can't go…" James said feeling his right hand fly into his hair nervously. He was totally fucking this up. Lily didn't look up.

"Mmhmm, Remus told me in Potions. Is there anything else, Potter?"

"I'm his replacement."

Alice choked on a giggle, while Marlene quirked an eyebrow. Lily's eyes remained glued to her assignment.

"His what?"

"His replacement, just for tonight…we cleared it with McGonagal, and everything. She seemed to think it was a fine idea…real surprised and all of course, but right after quidditch practice I can be in the hallways…" James pantomimed telling off students. Alice laughed, and Marlene tried not to. Lily was biting her lip, a blush creeping up her cheeks. James was well versed in Lily's facial expressions, and knew that a blush was often the first hint of her temper.

"You volunteered for this?" She asked suspiciously.

James sensed a trap. "In a manner of speaking."

"What manner is that exactly? Did Remus ask you to do this?"

"Well not in the traditional sense…"

"Is he even aware that you've volunteered for him?—without authorizing this substitution with me—a seriously un-Remus like mistake…"

"I think that—"

"Is Remus even busy?"

"He's got this thing…it's like a furry problem of sorts…"

"So he's ill?"

"Yes, it's this—"

Lily narrowed her eyes watching James squirm. "Did you threaten one of your best mates in order to get me alone?"

James went numb; it was as though Lily hadn't spoken. Then slowly as her words formed meaning in his mind, James felt his blood actually boil.

"Merlin's nutsack EVANS! I just wanted to help a bloke out because he's feeling a bit peaky round the gills. Remus didn't feel up to protecting your high and might ass from attempting rapists and wanna be death eaters tonight, and didn't want you patrolling alone. So I, like the great fucking git that I am, volunteered to patrol the corridors with you. My fucking mistake. Get yourself killed for all I care!"

James spun on his heel. Lily was on her feet in an instant shouting after him.

"I can take care of myself Potter, I don't need you, or your precious Marauders playing nanny! I'm a big girl. I button my own blouse in the morning and everything."

James stopped, "Big girls die too Evans, along with heroes, and idiots." He didn't wait for her retort. He slammed the library door on the way out, completely oblivious to Madame Pince's anxious rebukes.

Lily groaned in frustration and threw herself back into her chair.

"Well," Alice said.

"I think you owe that hunk of handsome an apology." Marlene said carefully investigating the nails of her left hand.

"Fuck off."

"I think she's right Lily," Alice said quietly. Lily glared at Alice. "Well, it's not safe for you to patrol alone. None of the muggleborns are supposed to…"

"I can take care of myself." Lily said through clenched teeth.

Marlene pushed her chair back on two legs, "We know you're tougher than dragon scales, Lils, but so does everyone else." She slammed her chair back down, "You're the one they go for the most, because you still dock points, you still defend yourself and your right to be here."

"What do you expect me to do Marlene? Roll over and let them win?"

"No, I expect you to be smart about it."

"Why would you patrol alone Lily? You've got nothing to prove to any of us." Alice said gently rubbing Lily's shoulder.

"Go apologize to Potter, with any luck it'll actually make his head spin. Like literally!"

Lily rolled her eyes, cleared her things away and huffed out of the library. Alice and Marlene didn't get it. Lily didn't want to prove anything to anyone, except maybe to herself. Lily was scared, and she was drowning in it. If she wasn't dodging a jinx in the halls, she was listening to her friends talk about becoming Aurors, or worse avenging dead loved ones. Joining the Order of the Phoenix. Getting themselves killed.

As Lily took the long way to the seventh floor tower she thought about her stupid fight with Potter. And flushed with shame. True he was annoying, but he was only trying to help her and Remus out. She'd had no right to make that cut about him being a bad friend. But Lily knew instinctually that a statement like that would get him to leave her alone.

And that's what she wanted. She couldn't afford to be close to anyone—especially cocky jerks, who smelled like pine trees and sunshine. Fuck. No way was she ever going to fall for Potter. His bullying arrogance, his ability to stretch sweaters so that every rippling quidditch hard muscle was outlined. Arrrgh! He was insufferable.

"Evans…"

He was right behind her.

She turned wishing that her blush didn't show.

"Look," he said, "I—"

"It's my fault, Potter, really…I'm a bit…"

"No I should have checked with you first and all—I'm obviously not prefect material." He mussed up his hair and laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, James, I just don't want anyone getting hurt on my account."

"Aww, Evans, it's not like that—it's—"

She plunged on, "Ever since Hestia, I just feel…more responsible for my blood status, and I mean, with Remus he was already a half blood, and had been on patrols before—he knows what to expect. And with you it's different. It's not, you know, your job or anything. You're a pureblood and all. And with your Dad in the ministry…" Her rambling apology came to an abrupt halt; James was standing there with a huge grin on his face.

"So you're trying to protect me?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Not just you, you stupid git, but all of everyone who I've ever met. You, Alice, Marlene, Peter, the Prewitts, hell even that fucking ass Sirius. I just feel…"

Her bottom lip began to tremble, and she sucked in a shaky breath. She looked at her feet. She heard James step closer, saw James's shoes creep into her line of vision. Lily could feel his warm breath blowing against her forehead as he breathed.

"Evans, you can't help the way you were born."

She shook her head. She knew that. That's not what she meant by her rambling. "And it's not your fault that there's some demented dark wizard out there recruiting kids to become murderers."

Very gently as though afraid she might hex him, James placed a single knuckle under her chin and pushed her chin up with as much pressure as he dared. Her brilliant eyes were sparkling with tears.

"It is your fault that you've made friends, friends who want to help you…" He inched closer, amazed that he was allowed to touch her like this, shocked that she'd let him. "Friends that want to make sure you're okay…" he whispered, his lips slowly descending to hers. "Friends who lo—"

Before he could finish Lily had wrapped her arms around him, and sealed his mouth to hers. She tasted faintly of pumpkin juice, and her lips were insistent against his, nipping and pulling, her tongue demanding entrance. James hesitated for a moment, wondering half heartedly if this was a decision he'd later be blamed for, but ultimately his long unrequited desire got the better of him. He slammed Lily into the neighboring wall, his hands and lips suddenly all over her warm delicious body.

James had one hand roaming along the waistband of her pants, seeking the hem of her shirt, the other cradling her face. She moaned into his mouth when his fingers final grazed against the skin of her belly, warm and strong and-

"STUPIFY!"

James was still and then he fell in a heap at Lily's feet. Lily looked up simultaneously grasping for her wand. Severus Snape stood at the end of the corridor, his usually pallid face almost purple in rage. Or maybe it was anguish. He came striding down the hallway, breathing heavily. Lily noticed that his wand, while still clutched in his hand, wasn't pointed at her.

"Are you all right, Lily?"

"Excuse me?"

"I—I saw him mauling you and I…"

"He wasn't mauling me Severus! It was entirely—"

Snape looked like he was about to throw up. And then suddenly he was blown back several paces by James silent impedimentia. James was on his feet wand raised, inching Lily behind his body.

"No, Potter I can—"

"This isn't about you Lily." James said curtly.

Severus stood, his eyes narrowed and he steadied his wand. Of course this was about Lily. It was always about Lily, it was always going to be about Lily. Both boys screamed incantations wands drawn back for the duel, when just as suddenly a shield charm erupted in between them.

"STOP!" Lily yelled.

"Need a girl to fight your battles Potter?" Sneered Snape.

James looked mutinous.

"Lily, kindly let the charm go, and leave. This is between Snivelus and me…"

"I don't think so…"

Suddenly five more Slytherins appeared at the end of the hall, where Snape had come from. All of them had their wands raised. All of them were smiling maliciously, leering at Lily.

"Stay back!" Potter shouted, sliding his wand slowly from Sanpe's face to oncoming attackers.

"Or what Potter?"

"The fool is right," Snape hissed, "Leave it be McNair. I can handle the Gryffindor Prince."

"What about the Mudblood?"

Snape's face twisted for a moment, and his dark eyes sought Lily's. She stared back, lips set, eyes tense. There wasn't an ounce of recognition in her face. Only loathing.

"Call her that again." James said deadly quiet. Lily inched closer to James.

"Don't…" she whispered. James looked down at her and gave her the faintest of winks.

McNair laughed, "Mud Blood."

The corridor erupted into a blinding tangle of spells and screams. Lily and James went straight for the pack, moving together as a team, instinctually going for opposite attackers. Two body bind curses had landed the slowest moving Slytherins. But McNair and two others were quick and vicious. Lily dodged a stream of purple fire, not quite quick enough to miss it all. The spell slammed into her right side, tearing her arm from its socket, and knocking her to the ground. She screamed in agony. McNair cackled, and began closing in.

"Lily!" James cried. In his moment of inattention and fear he was stunned by one of the two remaining Slytherins. They kicked his limp form in the gut, and threw his wand down the corridor. Lily was out numbered four to one, and James was unconscious feet from her.

Snape was horrorstruck, and knew exactly what McNair and his friends would do to Lily in a minute. He broke out into a cold sweat, his mind an utter blank.

"The pretty Mudblood all alone…" McNair cooed. Snape felt ill.

"_Rapiereato!"_ Lily hissed. A purple welt opened across McNair's chest, having cleaved his uniform in two.

"Like to play rough do you?" McNair whispered, "Me too."

"STUPIFY!" But he blocked it. "Expelliarmus!" He parried, and Lily tried to crawl away.

"Expelliarmus." Lily's wand flew into his hand.

He leaned in, "Wonder what color your blood is…?" Lily spat in his face, her hands behind her reaching, straining. Suddenly Snape saw what Lily was going for; Potter's wand was just out of reach of her grasping fingers, three or four feet behind her. She was stalling for time trying to get it.

Snape stepped behind her, and gently rolled the wand forward, as quietly as he could. McNair smiled at him.

"Glad you decided to join the fun, Severus."

Lily went stiff, her worst fears confirmed. Snape felt a rush of anger and guilt, how could she think he'd hurt her? _Well look at who you associate with, mate_ a small voice inside his head whispered. Fuck.

He toed the wand closer to Lily's fingers. She felt the smooth wood with her outstretched fingertips, and turned for a brief second to look at Snape. Her former friend and would be attacker, had just silently given her the advantage. She gave him the briefest of nods, and quirked her lips in a sad smile of thank you.

Suddenly roaring to her feet, she slammed her good side into McNair, throwing him off balance, screaming hexes into his mates. One began rolling on the ground instantly, his toenails and finger growing into his body. The other seemed to have rats all over him. Lily rounded on McNair.

"_Expelliarmus!"_ She cried.

McNair's wand flew into the outstretched hand of Sirius Black, who'd just emerged from the Portrait hole. The Prewitt twins just behind him, all with wands raised.

"All right there Evans?" Fabien called.

"Yes, thanks." She said her eyes still on McNair. "I think that'll be 50 points from Slytherin, for unauthorized dueling in the hall. Another 50 for foul and threatening language. Another 50 for dark magic…and…"

"Ten because you outnumbered your victims two to one and still couldn't win?" Sirius asked helpfully, and then he saw James prone on the floor. He rushed forward.

"Prongs?"

"Just stunned Sirius."

Sirius was on his feet again in a moment, practically growling at the Slytherins, one still howling from ingrown toenails, the other ridding himself of the remaining rats.

"I'll be informing your head of house, and you should probably get Nott over there to the hospital wing." Lily said, through clenched teeth. Now that she was safe, the adrenaline began to ebb. Her entire right side was on fire.

"You do that, Evans. And dock points…but you won't be lucky forever."

"We'll see about that." Gideon laughed.

"And it's not luck—it's talent…something you'll never have, McNair." Fabien said.

McNair and Snape gathered their housemates, and began the long descent to the dungeons. Snape never spared Lily another glance. Lily didn't know what she'd do if he did.


End file.
